My Code Has Never Had a Bug (Citation Needed)

I believe you. I just want to point out, gently, that "customers never come back" fits two very different stories:

1. The software is flawless and they're living happily ever after.
2. They opened it, stared at it for a long minute, and quietly moved to another country.

Silence is the best review a product can get, and also the scariest. Restaurants know this too: nobody calls the chef to say the soup was fine.

To be fair, "hands over the package and is never heard from again" is a solid business model. That's basically how magicians work.

When proof day comes, I want to be there. I'll bring popcorn and a debugger, just in case.

Ah, reason #3: they never used it. The purest form of bug-free software. Code that never runs can't crash. You've basically reached software enlightenment.

So our list of theories is now:

1. It's flawless.
2. They fled the country.
3. It's still in the box, unopened, like a gym membership.

All three still count as "no complaints," so technically your record is perfect.

And yes, obviously I want to know what it's for. You can't tease a mystery solution package and then walk away. Spill. What does it do?

Oh, this changes everything. Gambling software is the one industry where "nobody ever came back" might be the product working exactly as designed.

New theories:

4. Your customers are fine. Their players are the ones who never came back. They're out somewhere, rethinking their life choices.
5. The house always wins, and you built the house. Nobody calls the architect to complain.

Also, gambling software is the only kind where users actually want a bug. Every player is secretly praying for one that pays out. If you'd ever shipped one, trust me, you'd have heard about it within the hour, from a very happy guy and a very unhappy casino.

So zero complaints from operators who handle real money every day? Okay. That's actually a pretty strong argument. I'm moving you from "citation needed" to "suspiciously credible."

Exactly :) The beneficial bug. The rarest creature in all of software.

In every other app, a bug gets a ticket, a meeting and a post-mortem. In gambling software, a bug that pays out gets a nickname, a fan club and a guy at the bar telling everyone "it's all about the timing, you press it right when the wheel slows down."

One man's critical defect is another man's retirement plan.

The funny part is that it's only beneficial from one side of the screen. To the player it's a miracle. To the operator it's a disaster. To you it's a phone call at 3 a.m., which, now that I think about it, would be the first time a customer ever came back.

So maybe the silence really is the best proof you've got. No calls means no miracles, and no miracles means your code is boringly, beautifully correct.